Salam,
When I was about to create this blog, I thought about how I would portray myself. I asked Claude, and it recommended that I present myself as a teacher and academic. That’s great. But after thinking about it, I realized that in real life, I’m not that serious. I often see myself as blunt, fierce, and a bit of a jokester. So, I decided to introduce myself as I am here.
My Personality
On social media, I use the name Zuzu Syuhada. Most people think it’s a stage name, but it’s not. Zuzu Syuhada is an acronym for my real name, Siti Zuhrah Asiyah, and my father’s name, Yusuf Syuhada. I got the name Tika from my adoptive parents. Since I was little, I’ve been called Tika, so it became a given. However, since I started using social media, whenever I created an account and chose a username, Tika was always already taken. Finally, I decided to use my real name as my username on various social media platforms. By the way, during my “aqad nikah” (wedding ceremony), my husband was required to use both names.
I’m a millennial who’s fortunate to still experience the joy of playing in nature, but I’ve also experienced the world’s gradual digital transformation. As a villager living far from ‘civilization‘, in addition to playing in nature, I also enjoyed the experience of reciting the Quran at the surau (prayer house) or at the village Quran teacher every day as a child. In fact, I can say that I was much luckier than my peers, because as a child, I (or rather, the children in our village) had a very capable and knowledgeable Quran teacher. Many of the religious lessons we learned back then were not available to other children. We learned the Quran using pesantren books as guidance. As an adult, I learned that in the TPA/Taman Pendidikan Al-Qur’an (madrasah), children generally only learn the Iqra’ (Quran recitation) and the very basic Islamic jurisprudence (Fiqh) of worship.
I attended the pesantren for 10 months. Unable to cope, I ran away from there and tried to go back to school without my parents’ support. One of the first things I did to make a living was to become a Quran teacher. Unbeknownst to me, this has continued to this day.
I could read since I was 3 years old, my parents told me. Because of this ability, my parents decided to enroll me in kindergarten at 4. Back then, kindergarten wasn’t allowed at that age, so my birth date had to be falsified. But it turned out I didn’t feel like I belonged in kindergarten. After only 3 months, I threw a tantrum and refused to go back to school. The reason was that there was no learning in kindergarten. They just encouraged me to sing, dance, and jump around. I wanted to learn. Then, the following school year, my father enrolled me in elementary school. And I read ‘ini Budi‘ with joy.
To this day, I still love learning and reading. Some people, including my husband, think I’m too serious because I’m so critical of everything. But it’s okay, as long as I can control myself and not share my thoughts with the wrong people, insyaallah, I’ll be safe.
I like to introduce myself as an INTJ. It’s not that I believe in such predictions, but the INTJ personality fits me best. I’ve taken the test three times and the results are always the same. If you know about the MBTI, you can imagine how unpleasant I am in real life. Lately, it seems my personality has shifted a bit, as I’ve become more INTP than INTJ. But what’s always been consistent, if you’re familiar with Enneagram typology, is that I’m a 5w6.
I don’t like small talk or holding back just because I have a different opinion. Some friends used to think I was arrogant, but I call myself self-aware. Sometimes my words hurt others, and my friends say they’re insulting. But is it considered hurtful if we’re just trying to tell the truth?!
But even though it’s unpleasant, I’m easily moved and cry over things that might not be so touching to some. Maybe it’s because I’m used to thinking deeply, so when I see something, my mind wanders, creating scenarios and then ends up feeling sad. On the contrary, often the things that make people touched I find cringe and excessive.
My Education
I’m a graduate of Islamic political thought who is disgusted by politics. That doesn’t mean I’m anti-politics; in fact, I still follow current political news, even if only through social media. I occasionally find out about important world events. But who isn’t disgusted by the current political system and practitioners?! Honestly, since my fifth semester of college, I’ve decided not to enter politics after graduation. Meeting those two-faced, snake-tongued people convinced me that fighting for the betterment of the country through politics wasn’t the right path for me.
Ultimately, I became a Quran teacher at a school. Even after more than 13 years of teaching at a school, I still haven’t felt confident enough to identify myself as a Teacher. But I’m grateful that this is the job Allah chose for me. I can’t imagine any other job I would have done if it weren’t this. And, no, I’m not an ustazah. Often, people today arbitrarily narrow the definition of an ustaz/ustazah to someone who happens to teach Quranic recitation. But being a ustaz/ustazah isn’t just about being able to teach the Quran. I admit that I may understand more about Islam than most people, but I know I’m not qualified to be one. So, please don’t ever call me or think of me as one.
Then, this year, I enrolled in postgraduate studies at UNIDA Gontor. It was sudden and unplanned. I majored in Islamic Aqidah and Philosophy. It wasn’t a major I thought I’d choose if I went to college. But that’s destiny. It seems that Allah really prefers it if I dwell on philosophical matters even though my brain capacity is very minimal.
And that’s it. This seems like a pretty long introduction. I hope you’ll gain something positive from this blog. Now, it’s your turn to tell me about yourself.